I found out that several men and women regretted the traditional marriage of the good old days when wives were unemployed and when they stayed at home and raised children. They cooked for their man and cleaned the house. It looks to me like an ideal TV show from the 60ties but the traditional marriage is a trap.
Traditional marriage does not benefit men for the following reasons below. Note that the points below are consequences of really traditional spouse relationship. Nevertheless, the traditional marriage can just be partial. Read until the end.
- The man is expected to do the all the heavy chores in the house. Today the household chores are not chores because everything is automated. We don’t need to spend a lot of energy to wash our dishes or clean the house. Dishwashers, washing machine, cleaning robots do it for us. Now, we can buy ready-made food so that there is no need to cook. In other words, house chores are easy, and they aren’t exhausting. Conversely, it is still a hard job to paint all the walls of a house, changing the tire of a car or fixing the garage’s door.
- In a traditional marriage, the husband takes all the risks. Since he is responsible for everything that happens outside of the accommodation, he will be asked to deal with all the threats. For instance, he will have to stand up in the middle of the night when there is a noise or deal with an angry neighbor because his wife wanted him to do it.
- In a traditional marriage, a man has more responsibilities. He has to take care of herself, and he has to take care of his wife and his daughter if he has a daughter. An additional burden weight on his shoulders. If his wife has a problem with a neighbor, the husband will have to deal with the neighbor and fix the problem. If the household faces a legal problem, he is the one who has to face the justice. In this case, the wives have a stress-less life with no responsibilities, very much like a child.
- In a traditional marriage, the husband works for his wife. The woman stays at home. The man has to find a well-paid job to earn enough money for his family. It is important to note that if a woman earns 20% of what his husband earns, it is still an unbalanced situation. In the logic of the common life marriage, half of the wealth accumulated over the years by the husband is owned by the wife. Marriage is only worth it when both parties earn the same amount of money.
- In a traditional marriage, men marry unemployed women but not the opposite. In a traditional marriage, it is ok if the woman does not work but it is not ok if the man does not work. It is a double standard.
The traditional marriage benefits more women than men. In this case, they stay at home, they have very few responsibilities, and they don’t need to take any risks. The man has to take all the risks outside of the house. He has to expose himself and face the world. The wife can have a comfortable life in her house (a cocoon) while the man has a difficult life as a worker.
The traditional marriage can be sustainable for young men who earn a significant amount of money and who are healthy. When men get older, this load on their shoulders become less bearable than before.
For example, one of my neighbors is in his 70ties and suffered from Alzheimer. He was tied to his wife by traditional marriage. Before the disease came up, he used to drive and buy everything (food for example) for his wife. He also used to take of fixing everything in the house and took care of all high tech in the house like the TV and the Internet. After he fell ill, his wife stated she could not take care of him and could not do what he used to do. However, I live in a village where the closest supermarket is at 8 minutes walk from her house. There is almost no car traffic, and there is only one road to go to the village center where there is a supermarket, a bakery, the city house, a post office, a pharmacy. Obviously, she was lazy and wanted to live like a child her whole lifetime. On top of that, since she never worked, they only source of income come from his pension. He used to work on supermarkets, and his pension is not very high. Now, they survive in a very small house.
This one example of several examples of traditional marriage that I know. This also explains why a female companion has to work.
Women working didn’t change it.
Now women have access to the labor market. I have noticed that the traditional spouse relationship kept on going with women who had a job. Those women expected their husbands to be the main source of income. They also expected them to be in charge of defending the household. They asked them to do all the heavy chores at home. Even if women work today, it does not mean a man can’t be in a traditional relationship with a woman. This relationship benefits more women than men. Women contribute to the household budget today. That’s the only thing that has changed.
If a woman earns more money…
In this case, she can ask her husband to do some heavy chores at home or defend the household on the ground that he earns less. In this case, it makes sense. It does not make sense if the man earns more money, do the heavy chores, defend the household and deal with everything outside of the house.